Brain squirrels
Late diagnosed ADHD or perimenopause?
When you are diagnosed with ADHD, you may feel a sense of relief, that it all makes sense at last, now you can explain yourself, be understood even. But no. As a midlife woman of course it isn’t going to be that easy.
Recently an unapologetic, sarky, eye rolling, whisper/ shout of disbelief is doing the rounds about late diagnosed ADHD in women. I have heard it said that it isn’t really ADHD at all but ‘just’ perimenopause. Stands to reason right, all these annoying women who are in perimenopause thinking they are all special, and ‘blaming’ ADHD? Ohhhh Noooo.
I’ve seen this writ large on social media, and being hinted at by acquaintances, even my (lovely) Doctor alluded to the possibility. So I thought I’d explain where this comes from, and put people straight.
It is not fair, or OK to downplay the very real struggle that is a lifetime with ADHD. Just because someone finds out later in life does not mean they haven’t had things (massive, difficult things) to cope with that as a neurotypical person, you have not. And yes we all struggle to get things done, and there was that time that you were late a lot, forgot stuff, messed up after such and such happened. But “IT IS NOT THE SAME! “ and yes I was shouting.
Finding out that I have had it all my life has been a lot. Not a relief as almost everyone thinks (strangely). Validating I suppose, but so much to get my head around, so much to unpack and understand. So much to grieve actually. And there is no help whatsoever. Well nothing bar a call from a lovely lady called Mel (organised by the GP) who also has ADHD, is in her parked car, and kindly asks how you are, opens up at length about her own experiences (Umm, the pasta is now over cooked Mel). And can offer you nothing apart from a link to a group meet up once a month an hour away, when you would be asleep…or expensive therapy, which you can’t have either. You are diagnosed and then off you trot. To do what? Suck it up buttercup, cos nothing has changed. The medication is possible, and I am on the list but that is a 12-18 months long NHS waiting list….
I had not considered the possibility that I was not neurotypical, I just thought I was crap at loads of things other people seemed able to do. I thought I was a stupid, risk taking, bad choice making, worrying, mistake making, mess. My own worse enemy. I just had to get better at all the things. I didn’t know that my brain came with an army of squirrel disruptors that other ‘successful’, employed, married, home owning, holiday going, pension rich, friends brains did not.
As a late (this February age 54 ) ‘formally’ diagnosed (needs all the gravitas to hammer it home) ADHD’er myself I have been through the very vigorous, multifaceted, process of being diagnosed through the NHS in the UK. This has taken over a year and I have answered the same questions four sometimes five times to get here, including during a solid two hour assessment. Passing with an A ⭐️, flying colours, a distinction each time. None of those questions were about hormones, but well they might have been, as the correlation between worse/ stronger/ more brutal symptoms in perimenopause, PMT or PMDD, and ADHD is very real. It is not that you have one or the other, it is that during times of hormonal flux, the coping strategies, or masking as it is known, falls away, becomes impossible; so that the symptoms of ADHD are very obvious.
Your brain is fu*ked .
Lower levels of dopamine associated with the ADHD brain accentuate the lower levels in serotonin and GABA, linked to estrogen and progesterone respectively. With the normal hormone fluctuations of perimenopause, leaving the brain pretty starved of happiness and calm juice, this can lead to low mood, serious anxiety, anger etc. Hence the crossover of symptoms. So yes, during perimenopause you may well hear about ADHD and think “ey’up that sounds like me”, but the defining factors to a diagnosis will be your life as a child and up until this time. When you start to think and talk, read, listen (there are many brilliant podcasts) about things it will become clear as to whether you are in fact not neurotypical or just experiencing the brain boggling of perimenopause right now.
Some one has been setting fire to my favourite place, and it’s devastating. I saw this and thought of all the wildlife that has been annihilated. It hurts, viscerally! This deeper feeling is called Justice sensitivity, and extreem empathy. Its been keeping me awake. And my weekend has been a maelstrom of ADHD-ness. I know what is going on now. Before February I’d have been frightened of myself. But it is still really hard, I got angry at myself, so so sad, fighting tears and being utterly distracted, disappointed, unregulated. I turn to a bit of gratitude when this happens now, The Dog, think of the darling dog… (no NO not him eating poo for fu*ks sakes 🙄)
Join me for a free 30 min webinar on Nutrition In Perimenopause this Tuesday 6th May at 10 am UK time. My favourite Foods, Supplements, Adaptogens that really work, with some time for questions at the end. I’d love to see you there! Reply to this email for the link or drop me a comment in the substack app-
Need some help?
I’m here to help all women struggling in perimenopause and through all stages of the menopause transition. With small changes to your nutrition, movement and lifestyle you can make big changes to how you feel.. Working within my ‘Happy Healthy Menopause’ framework, I see my clients blooming, experiencing real results from doable changes. And if you think you may have ADHD, or you are diagnosed I’m here for you! I’d love to chat, book a free call here.